Hannah Aubry

Sometimes in life, we get just what we need at the exact right moment.

Recently, I attended my first Monktoberfest. I like how Mike Shaver described it to his wife: “It’s a conference about the world we live in, through the lens of people who work with tech, and especially who work with tech people.”

Lately, I’ve been asking myself some big, hard questions. Questions like, “What matters?” “What comes next?” “Can we really fix this?”

I still don’t have those answers. However, RedMonk’s thoughtfully curated talks, along with the time I spent among old and new friends—or, let’s say, tenured and emergent ones—were gentle, directional reminders for my existential ponderings.

So here’s what I’ll carry forward as I skip past* another crossroads and trot off** down a new road.***

It’s the people, stupid.

Most of the systems in which we exist weren’t built for people. Rather, they were built to accumulate power, enforce law and order, produce a good or service, or to funnel the almighty dollar from one system to the next. Usually, we exist in these systems because we have to for our survival.

These systems are terrible, carnivorous machines.

These systems separate us, they put us at odds and in contest with each other. They encourage us to focus on our differences, even though we’re far more similar than not. In doing so, these systems take away from us one of humanity’s greatest traits and my favorite thing about being alive: the strength of our social ties. Community.

In Carol Lee’s presentation at Monktoberfest, which focused on Combating Code Review Anxiety based on research completed with Cat Hicks, she talked about a common phenomenon among developers. Their research found that one of the most productive interventions for code review anxiety was simply for the people experiencing it to sit in it alongside a group of peers.

Further research supports that human connection as an intervention is one of the most powerful tactics we have in combating a multitude of mental and physical health issues. Loneliness is as deadly as smoking or alcoholism. It leads to dementia and cardiovascular disease. And conversely — some psychiatrists go so far as comparing social connection to vitamins: “just as we need vitamin C each day, we also need a dose of the human moment—positive contact with other people.”

Ashley Williams put it succinctly with a quote she shared during her talk: “Open source is people.”

We are social creatures, and people are awesome. They’re funny and smart. They have an astounding capacity for good. They’re capable of building incredible things and accomplishing remarkable feats. They hold such darkness, certainly, yet the brightest light.

So what matters? Well, to me—in the midst of a loneliness epidemic—it’s no thing. Dear reader, it’s you. It’s all the beautiful people I know and have yet to meet. I cherish you.

Just because you don’t control it doesn’t mean you can’t change it.

I’ve written a bit about organizational change in the past. You might say I have a passion. Since my time as a theatre maker and installation artist, I am most driven and excited when I’m finding and fixing neglected or broken things. Usually, the things I try to change or fix aren’t my “area of responsibility,” and I almost never have a “mandate.”

In Jenny Zhang’s talk about organizational change, she described the challenges organizations face in shaping positive and healthy cultures. She describes the challenges individuals face, especially ones from marginalized communities, in driving impact within such organizations. In sum, organizational change is not easy. Any kind of change is not easy. It’s even harder when the thing you’re trying to change doesn’t want it or doesn’t understand why it’s necessary. But even in those cases, change is possible.

We all have the power to enact change. It starts with simple things that every single one of us can do in the face of these machine systems. We can care. We can try. We can do the damn work. And we can start at home — with ourselves, our family, our team, our town. Big change starts with small actions.

Change isn’t easy, and it won’t come soon, but for me, it is imperative that I try. I want to make the world a better place. I want to challenge it; I want to illuminate it. And the best place to start is right where you are, wherever you are, on any given day.

Jenny Zhang also spoke of the burnout from moral injury, or the cognitive dissonance that occurs when a person or place's stated values don’t match their lived values. It was a good reminder for me. If I want to take care of the world, I should start by caring for myself. As an individual actor, I cannot change complex systems single-handedly. If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together. And no one—especially not me—benefits from my burnout.

Nothing we love ever truly leaves us.

Day one of Monktoberfest was bookended by two talks about grief. Éamon Ryan talked about leaving a company he loved: Pivotal. David Smith talked about his partner’s passing and shared a framework of what he learned about preparing for and processing that grief.

They were thoughtful, sad talks. I commend the speakers for their vulnerability in sharing their stories. People are at their strongest when they choose to be vulnerable. I admire anyone who chooses to show the cracks. The cracks are what make us golden.

Life moves through us and around us like a river. Even when we try to stand still, the water around us changes. It beats on us as if to say — forward, forward. And so when it’s time to leave, we must go, or we'll drown. Because spiritual decay is stifling. But even when we leave, we can carry with us the ways those places and people touched us, shaped us, and, most of all, sustained us.

So what comes next? I don’t really know. (I mean, careerwise I do, see footnote, but philosophically…‽) I just hope that someday, when it’s time to go over my final waterfall, I can look back and say, “See grandma? I put your lessons to good use. I did my best. I touched a few hearts. I made a difference.”

And until then, I’ll try not to be too sad about the people and places I must leave behind. Because we never truly lose the things we love dearly.

And dear one, I love you.

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*My time working on Fast Forward at Fastly is at an end.

**I’m joining AWS’ Open Source Strategy & Marketing team to work on CDK.

***Don’t tell me I buried the lede. That’s just capitalism, babe.

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